...Worldwide outbreak of swine flu scare stories...
...It's said that the news stories started somewhere in Mexico, but quickly spread throughout south America, before an outbreak of swine flu scare stories hit America soon after. Some say the stories have been carried overseas by air passengers, some of who are thought to be news reporters.
Britain has already had two days of swine flu reports, and there are fears that the reports are going to get more prevalent. The gullible and the panicky are both thought to be 'at risk' groups.
The world health organisation has issued a warning that swine flu scare stories could hit worldwide pandemic stage, not seen since the SARS worldwide pandemic scare stories, and the bird flu pandemic stories.
People are warned to avoid contact with any potential news carriers. The advice to anyone who thinks they might have been exposed to swine flu scare stories is to stay indoors and avoid contact with other people. Already across the world, thousands are wearing face masks to prevent themselves from passing on any swine flu scare stories to others.
A spokesman for a major news carrier said "It's clear that some common sense could help prevent the spread of swine flu stories - people should avoid large groups of news reporters, or any place where there has been a recent swine flu story".
There are complaints that the government was not properly prepared for an outbreak of scare stories of this magnitude. One hospital worker said "We have hundreds of people overwhelming us thinking that they have swine flu, who in actual fact just have the sniffles".
A national swine flu scare story helpline has been hurredly set up, anyone worried that they may be suffering from the effects of excessive news can dial 0800-shutthefuckupyoumorons, where they'll receive advice. Although some callers have complained that they got through but could only hear crackling.